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Watch out for the ‘Rishta Brigade’ – They’re Coming for You!

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This article goes out to the every Pakistani girl who has ever been victimized by the “Rishta Brigades” in their life. Almost every one of us has gone through this phase. Lately, it has become an essential part of our culture that the rishta brigade follows a specific protocol before choosing a girl which according to them is never the perfect match for their self-proclaimed perfectly groomed and brought up son( apparently, the only chaand ka tukra on the planet earth).

The first character is a muhallay wali multi-talented aunty. Never underestimate her!! She is a perfect combination of a matchmaker plus mini news broadcasting agency (intra – muhalla or muhalla to muhalla), the good thing is every mohalla has her clone; different faces but same qualities. Not to forget, she can be a fortune-teller, an almost-gynaecologist and almost obstetrician, a marriage counselor, a nutritionist, a desi accounts and audit officer, and a doctor + hakeem.

THE RISHTA BRIGADE: 

Proud  Mummy! 

Source: Brandsynario

The main lead is a highly qualified, successful lady whose only achievement and qualification is that she gave birth to the most eligible bachelor (EBP) of Pakistan  ( A Son! ) **Taaliyan beth kar bajaen**

A son:

Source: Tintu

By definition an”amazingly spoiled creature of our typical Pakistani families and a proud son of a proud mummy!”(jisko dekh kar sirf chand nai baqlkay suraj , taaray, asman, zameen samandar aur pahaar sub sharma jaen gay ). For him, his masculinity lies in sitting sessile at home in front of the TV, giving orders and passing fatwas. He is abstained to participate in any house chores as if it is a matter of national security.  

The sisters:

Source: Reddit

Apparently, they will be sisters of the EBP but in reality, they are the soul sisters of the Scotland yard agents. Their duty is to point out any fingerprint left on the glass table, any dust left in the corners, any broken hook of the curtains or any lightest stain left on the carpets or table cloth. Their eyes are faster and deeper than yours. In a fraction of seconds, they will notice your broken nail, any dentures or minute disparities in your dentition, the size of eyes and pupil, your complexion and BMI ( body mass index ) woohoo SUPER_SISTERS as I said earlier.

The awain-others:

Source: ScoopWhoop

It includes khalas, phuppo, neighbors, any duur ki bhabhi or who-so-ever is free on that day. Their work is to complete the check list. By any chance, if the scrutiny of any category is left by the super sisters or proud mummy. They have got your back.

THE INVESTIGATION takes place in a categorical manner:

Source: Desimartini.com

The house (rooms, décor, any trace evidence present).

The never so perfect girl’s family: (parents, grand parents, brothers, sisters, and cousins (if any).

Never so perfect girl (every single facial and bodily feature, the voice, the walk).

After this data collection, there will be an initial-instant-comparison with her sisters and any other girl the rishta-brigade has previously seen.

After the roles of Scotland yard and joint investigation teams, the Rishta brigade then comes in the role of FOOD INSPECTORS.

Every item will be judged individually.

Whether it was cooked / over cooked / undercooked. Whether it was served at the optimum temperature or not? How was the sugar or salt content? Whether it was tasteless/spicy/very spicy? And the comparisons begin.

The final decision will be taken after the series of discussions and multiple comparisons at the rishta brigade’s place. So now you know in what categories you will be scrutinized. Hope my article will be helpful to you. I would love to know about your upcoming rishta – brigade stories.

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