If you’re a female in your late 20’s; you’ve probably heard this dialogue several times. It wouldn’t even be too dramatic to say that somehow your life revolves around it. The dialogue is like a plague which torments your soul every day. In our society, when a girl gets married it’s not her own or her family’s decision solely; it’s our society’s decision.
People who exist in your life think it is their duty to remind every girl’s parents each day that their daughter should get married soon. They become fortune tellers who are supposedly blessed with psychic abilities to tell our parents when their daughter’s right time to get married has arrived and how entering into the 30’s (white hair era) will ruin her chances of ever finding a suitable groom.
All girls in their late 20’s can relate to this. It seems like if there is nothing left in our lives to do. Every third person around us keeps nagging our parents (specifically our rishtedar). Our innocent parents keep listening to their repeated audio version and have to understand their absurd self-generated scenario’s of how not finding a suitable groom for their daughters at this age will jeopardize their possibility of finding a good husband and how it affects their future lives.
Mostly, our parents portray that they don’t give in to the pressure but honestly, we all know that they do!! It’s not our parents’ fault when the constant nagging begins to become a reality (because society makes it so). It’s just really not their fault. It’s like watching an advertisement which you don’t like; you don’t see it deliberately, but in your unconscious mind you know what it is all about. This happens to our beloved parents who love us unconditionally but the constant repetition makes them believe that all the society’s apprehensions regarding their daughter’s marriage will come true.
If they don’t start the search program of finding a groom right now, there are high chances that their daughter will pass the age of finding a suitable groom and she will have to remain single throughout her life. For a female, being without a partner is like a bed of thrones which she cannot surpass (that’s what our parents think and it’s our society’s inclination of thought).
“We” the ambitious ladies, with lots of dreams to become independent; to do more things in our lives other than just getting married, have to become subjective to our parents’ demands and become willing victims for the trolley parade. Basically, the trolley parade is the scrutiny process which every girl has to go through. It doesn’t matter if you want to be scrutinized or not.
In the trolley parade, we think that people will judge us based on our qualifications and behavior. That’s when we get a reality check, our skin condition, complexion, height and knowledge about household chores are the only things that matter. The aunties arrive like Queens and believe that they have conquered the world by giving birth to their sons who are ready to get married. Respectfully, like the peasants we are, we serve our Queens the best of all. From the variety of foods to willingly presenting ourselves to be judged.
Then the scrutiny process starts; from our pimples to our nose shape (which we don’t even care about) the Queens observe everything. Some of us are blessed enough to pass their set standards but majority faces rejection due to petty reasons. I am not a person who opposes arranged marriages. But, seriously, rejecting a girl based on her complexation, physique, and scars isn’t a real Queen’s behavior.
If the Queen’s Prince looks like Tom Cruise, then we girls can understand that one must look like Kate Middleton to become the Princess. However, if the boy looks like Nawazuddin Siddiqui and the Queen demands a Katrina to be his better half, because Kajol is too dark to get adjusted with; that isn’t justified. Our society’s mindset needs to change, from our beloved parents to all the so-called considerate people around us.
Firstly; our parents should understand that marriage is solely a girl or boy’s decision. Grant her the freedom of making her own decisions especially when it’s her future at stake. By giving into the society’s pressure; you are asking her to choose between your love and her dreams. Here, we all know the answer, she will choose her parents’ wishes over everything. Why put your daughter in such a crucial position that she must choose? Why don’t you, as parents, give her the same liberty that you had given her when she wanted to study arts instead of mathematics?
All the daughters understand that their parents want their futures to be secured but if a girl is not mentally mature enough or not ready to take the responsibility, there are huge chances that she will not have a happy married life afterward.
To all the rishtedars; I am ‘loudly shouting’ to mind your own business. Stop poisoning our parents’ minds by constantly talking about our marriage. If you are so concerned about our futures (which we all know that you’re not) ask us what our dreams are and what we want to achieve with our lives. Rather than nagging about how rotten we’ve become as the age passes by, talk about something good so that we stop giving you big fake smiles and genuinely feel happy while serving tea to you. In simple words, stop making a mountain out of a molehill.
Lastly, to all the my-son-looks-like-Tom-Cruise mothers (aka superficial Queens in disguise). We all know that for every mother their son is a “chand ka tukra” and we girls adjust with that ‘fact’ (or hallucination). What we’re asking here from all the aunties is to at least maintain the decency of not rejecting the other person because she is too chubby or not fair enough for you. Stop being so judgemental! Sure, you have the right to choose your daughter in law; but dear aunties, we aren’t participating in a beauty pageant, although even they count beauty + brains.
It’s an earnest request, please stop being the judge of this self-created beauty pageant and be a normal person. We aren’t decoration pieces that you reject just because you don’t like the art-work. We have feelings too; respect that.
In our society, people need to realize that we girls have rights to live our lives the way we want to and have plans other than finding eligible suitors for a “happy ever after”. We know that getting married is an inevitable reality of life which we cannot ignore and at some point, of our life, we will be ready to get into this relationship. But you grant freedom to your sons to make important life decisions including marriage, why not give your daughters the time and liberty to become mature and make these decisions themselves.