8 years ago, when I came to the UK – it was indeed a comedy of errors in the beginning. Moving anywhere is hard- you leave behind what you are most comfortable with, your home! But when you move abroad, it is your home, your friends, your parents and family, and for Lahori folks like me, leaving the amazing food too. The first few months were a steep learning curve with a lot of blips and bloopers!
Here are some of the struggles which overseas desi people can fondly (or not so fondly) relate to:
1. Reality Check On The Airport
It’s only been an hour since you landed at the airport, beady-eyed thinking of your new overseas life. Being a true Pakistani, you have these extremely heavy suitcases and you realize there is no porter here to help you and you have to lift them all by yourself. Third world country problem, should I call it?
Lesson 1 – check ‘Do your own work, in other words, lift your own ‘samaan’
2. It’s Actually Cold!
Aah, that’s the big one. That realization that it is actually quite colder compared to the 40 something degrees temperature of Lahore or Karachi. It doesn’t matter if you have arrived in the summer months. Whatever the month, for the next few weeks, you would be that layered up hooded bear while people around you are in thin T-Shirts and shorts.
3. Navigating the Accents
You grew up watching Scooby Doo, The Mask and lots of American programmes on the Telly. You also remember the British English from BBC News and of course the Harry Potter movies. But coming here, you are in for a surprise! The Geordie, Cockney, Scouse, Irish, Scottish and many more accents. Oh, what in the wide world is this? Phone conversations are the hardest, every sentence is followed by ‘say that again? sorry?’ and my favorite pardon? ‘Shambolic’, I tell you!
4. Dress up or dress down?
Now that you are here, time for some social calls. People are very welcoming here and you start getting invites. You go dressed in your usual evening wear desi clothes for a dinner at someone’s place but you look like you have just stepped out of a wedding! Everybody else is laidback and dressed quite casually. Umm ok! So at a kids birthday party, you are invited to, you wear a seemingly casual yet cool top and trousers. You find yourself facing some disapproving glances from the Aunties ‘Beta, you should be wearing jewelry and be dressed up. You look too saada!’
5. The Smoke Alarm!
You miss your Amma’s parathas a lot and try to act very chef like and ‘sughar’. You venture to make parathas for your husband and low and behold the smoke detector alarm switches on blaring all around the block of flats! Imagine this in Ramadan at 3 am in the morning. Awkward, I tell you!
6. Do you speak English? Surprise!
You want to be friendly and try to gel into the crowd. You make small talk with the lady sitting next to you on the bus or the friendly young woman at the till of the supermarket. ‘Did you say you were from Pakistan?’ You nod and brace yourself for any reaction but not this. ‘Oh wow, but how come you speak such fluent English!’ Umm last time I checked, there is a lot of British curriculum following schools in Pakistan? People do not live under the rock!
7. Mémoire for the Muslim Shower
The first day of fiddling with the lota at your new apartment and you remember how much you took the ‘Muslim’ shower for granted. But then very quickly you realize, when you make any trips outside your home- along with your wallet and phone you also take an empty water bottle! You are surprised at the amount of toilet paper in use. How is this eco-friendly? You shake your head in bewilderment.
8. Currency Conversions And The Panic
The most obvious advice is please don’t do this. But you can’t help yourself. You have a mini-meltdown when you buy a small bottle of water for almost 300 rupees!
9. Goodbye Mani/Pedis And Pampering Services At Home
For a girl, finding someone who threads your eyebrows exactly as your ‘parlour wali baji’ back home is a crucial quest. Another panic ensues when you realize threading almost costs you more than 2000 rupees. Let’s not even go towards comparison on mani/pedis. Mobile services you ask? Well they do occasionally, but you have only recently moved here, the last thing you would want is to go totally broke. So hello looking like a bear for now!
10. The Saga Of The Bins
You had prepared yourself mentally that you would be the cook, janitor, cleaner, laundry girl basically everything of the house once you moved. But taking the trash out the girl is another game altogether! You forget what goes in what colored bins and which bin goes out for collection on what days. And if you miss the refuse collector’s truck, you are in for major rubbish crisis for the next week!
11. The Eateries with ‘Lahore’ in their name
Your already nostalgic and homesick heart jumps for joy at spotting a few Asian cuisines restaurants with the names of ‘Lahori mazaa/Zaika/masala’ (there is a whole list!). You excitedly go there remembering Waris ki Nihari or Bhayya’s Kebab. Very deceptive I tell you. Most of these serve the British version of mild, sweet curries with poppadums for starters! When did you have that in Lahore?
12. Woes of Time Difference
Skype or video calls are a huge challenge. You would either get a call at 5 am in the morning by your overly apologetic father as he had forgotten about the time difference or a very sleepy voice telling you off for calling them at midnight. And when you do get to call your family or friends at a decent time, they are always out. You remember with a bit of pang that they have a much better social life and happening evenings there. It does get better though, promise!
13. Everything Shuts Down Too Early!
Being used to the late night Pakistani shenanigans, you are so surprised to learn that all retail and high street markets close at 8! 8 pm? Who even does that! The town seems to sleep quite early on weeknights reminding you of Islamabad. But then you recall even nightlife of Islamabad is a lot better!
14. The Sudden Upsurge of Events Back Home
While you are trying to find your way in the strange land and moaning over your negligent social life, it suddenly seems everybody in your family and social circle is getting married or engaged. Social gatherings are springing up here and there. You find out about your favorite band doing a series of concerts. You name it and it is happening! How exciting… (not!)
15. Last but definitely not the Least – Homesickness
You are awfully homesick and you crave for your mum’s home-cooked food, dad’s fun talks and having fun with your siblings and cousins. You then thank the Lord, that you didn’t move decades ago when you didn’t haveWhatsApp, Skype, or Facebook to stay in touch!
Despite transitions always being difficult, things do get better! You do make friends and connections and your social life begins to wake up again. You secretly also get used to the peace and quiet, no loadshedding, the beautiful scenery and of course the shopping in no time!
And then down the lane comes a time when a part of your heart belongs here and the other in your beloved Pakistan.