Disclaimer*: The articles shared under 'Your Voice' section are sent to us by contributors and we neither confirm nor deny the authenticity of any facts stated below. Parhlo PInk will not be liable for any false, inaccurate, inappropriate or incomplete information presented on the website. Read our disclaimer.

Unfortunately, we live in a society which portrays the relationship of ‘Saas Bahu’ as faulty. Listening to the endless stories of your Mamu ki Beti ki Saas, you will never want to get married. But things are never perfect in any relationship. With Saas and Bahu, we tend to highlight even the tiniest thing because of the image our society has. In retrospect, we as a society have created that image. Adding ‘Mirch Masala’ is our favorite hobby, whether it is to a Karahi or someone’s life.

But there is another side. The side where Mother-in-laws are doing more than dictating the Bahu around, creating rifts between the couple or implementing Star Plus dramas in reality. They are breaking stereotypes despite being from conservative families, where the cycle of Saas Bahu zulm (torture) continues because that’s just how things are.

I got married at 19. Two months after I completed high school, my mom’s friend came with her son’s proposal. My mom was in love with her friend and wanted to say yes immediately. However, after a lot of Mashwara and soch bechar, I said yes. I only said yes for the engagement, on the condition that the wedding would take place after 4 years. Little did I know that there would be a miscommunication and I would end in a Red and Black, Zahra Ahmed bridal, 10 months later.

Fun fact, my husband and I said yes to this bizarre wedding before we had even met each other. Yes! We are both very intuitive. And no, I am not that ‘Maa baap ki farmabardar beti’ who had a habit of saying yes to everything.

Anyway, I got married after making sure that I would be able to continue my studies without any hindrance. Since everyone was high on Shaadi adrenaline, therefore, I said yes.

I had already given some FIA (Foundation in Accountancy) papers. I started ACCA (Association of Certified Chartered Accountancy) 3 months after I got married. My saas was super supportive from the beginning. I didn’t have any household responsibility, studied all day and did whatever I wanted to. There were little issues about different things but nothing too drastic.

After I got my diploma and was academically ahead from my husband (he started ACCA as well but left in the middle). My Mother-in-law started telling me that problems may occur in a marriage when the husband is not as qualified as the wife. She pressurized my husband to continue his studies. He replied with a firm no. She told him as well that we would face issues in the future because I was studying. Then she asked me to force him to study. Apparently, ‘Biwiiyan buhat kuch karwasakti hai apnay husbands say agar wu chahay’ (wives can get their husbands to do a lot of things, if they want to). I want to meet these wives!

Nevertheless, I persisted and continued my studies. My husband was too super supportive from the start, so he took everything in his hands. And things settled down.

It’s been 3 years since I got married and I am 75% done with ACCA.

Saasu maa still supports my studies. Although she has objections in reference to her son not continuing his studies, she believes that men need to be more educated than women. I don’t believe that.

I visited my Saas’s family in Karachi this past January. What I saw was shocking, to say the least. You see, her encouragement towards my studies was normal to me. Because everyone in my family has done their Specialization or Masters after getting married. So I didn’t think of it as anything special.

But she was brought up with different beliefs and things are still the same there. She comes from a family where a girl is married off at 16/17, where girls don’t even get the chance to study at their parents’ house, let alone at their in-laws. They are taken out of universities/schools if a good Rishta (proposal) comes up and are married off. Even if they don’t consent to it. Their opinion simply doesn’t matter. And every girl in that family knows that.

Bahus cook, clean, take care of their babies and in-laws. They don’t receive proper education and have a career. They support their husbands and take care of his family.

Her family was shocked to hear that I was still studying, 2 years down the line. People were not nice to her. My Saas had to deal with a ton of criticism and backlash; not only from her family but her friends as well. She was questioned on how she could let her daughter-in-law study. Today, she is asked all the time when will I be done studying, when I am having a baby, do I cook or not, blah, blah and more blah.

Sometimes what is normal for us doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s normal for the other person.

She is an amazing person and even a better Saas. To this day, not once has she asked me to cook, clean or do anything in the house. She prays for me like she does for her own kids. She supports my studies, my goals, gives a shut up call to anyone who says anything to her about me, including her own family. Regardless of how the society defines our relationship, she always stands up for me.

She has never said anything to me. And I respect that tremendously. This woman is breaking stereotypes in her own ways. She is doing something that no one in her family has ever done.

She is supporting her ‘bahu’.

Looking up close at her family gave me a new perspective. While I always respected and loved her for not opposing my education, for the first time I understood the hardships she must have gone through. It is easy to fight for your kids, support their goals but very few people do it for their daughter in-laws. It takes a lot of strength and ‘dil gurda’ to let others pursue their passion.

So, here is to my incredible mother-in-law, you have taught me a new meaning of courage. You have shown me that it’s our choice to be who we want to be. We can be the stereotypical saas/bahu that society tells us or we can be an example.

It’s a hard choice. But it’s our choice.