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Hello,
This is my story. I am writing it with my heart pounded with lots of tears and grief not because the reality is causing me so much damage but because I never expected how parents could traumatize their child only because they want not to be disrespected in front of the society on choosing a partner for their daughter who lacks financial stability.
Okay, so this all started in 2017 when I met this guy in an educational conference at a hotel. He stopped me as he wanted to talk about certain things. I stopped and answered him. After a conversation of fifteen-twenty minutes, he asked me to add him on Facebook. I did so because he’s a very nice, respectable, educated, and humble human being. He was six years older than me and in his late 20s.
After getting back home, I thought about him and how the conversation went. I thought about the benefits of networking and being known by numerous people. I was too comfortable with my mom, talking about things I used to go through in my daily lives. I told my mom about the guy I met and how respectfully he dealt with me and my opinions. Months passed, I used to think about him several times, he messaged me and we invited one another over coffee. I started liking him and so as he. Our relationship began.
I always wanted to be in a relationship which would lead to a beautiful wedding and a real-life fantasy. He always respected my word and always stood by my side. The very next month of our relationship, he asked to meet my mom. I told my mom about this boy and my mom told me to invite him over coffee at my house. The day came and he visited my mom. A happy but pretty “dominant” conversation was being held. My mom asked him about his career, where does he live, his family background, his occupation, and his future aims and objectives. He told my mom everything. He used to live in a combined family where his paternal uncles/aunts used to live as well.
He didn’t have a car because for him it was a liability and he could easily commute using careem and stuff. It was the start of his career as he only graduated a year before. So he was not yet ready to carry the weight of a wedding-oriented relationship at that time. After talking and explaining himself for three hours, he went back and things went back to normal as it was before. Months passed and we were living a happy relationship. It was late 2018 that my mom asked me that she wanted to meet his mother so that they can talk about taking the relationship to the next level. I agree and asked my partner for a meeting with his mother. He and his mother agreed. We went to meet them but then came the actual turning point for us.
My mother, who promised me not to be rude no matter what, neither holistic, she bashed him on knowing that the house didn’t belong to the boy himself and he had no car although he was on a very good job and earning a decent salary. I have no idea if it was a forceful pressure on my mom due to my father’s unreasoned and explicit know how in a small town where we actually belonged to or was it an actual outcoming burst from her mind. My mom told him to arrange a separate house and a car and gave him a target of six months. He agreed to work hard, knowing that it is impossible for anyone to arrange or buy a house and a car in such a short span of time. We returned back home.
Despite all this, his mother and family respected me a lot. His mother used to talk to me and we used to discuss a number of matters, respecting each other’s thoughts and opinions. We created a shatterproof bond and my mother knew everything about it. During these six months, my mother asked me not to meet the boy. I agreed to it. I went to meet him on his birthday and that too after getting permission from my mother but I never knew that soon my mother will turn all this against us.
Six months past, my partner was working very hard, day and night. He even started his own work along with the job. I even got the validation of his hard work from his mother. My mother told me to ask him to send a proposal for marriage without letting anyone know that I was in a relationship with that boy and to show this proposal as completely arranged. He did so, he did everything that my mom said and that my family asked him to do. His mother called my father for the proposal but what happened was unbelievable. My father was always so humble with me and he provided me with everything that I wanted ever, but I never thought this is how he will react on knowing that I am interested in a person and that I want to marry him, instead, we want to marry one another and take this relationship to an official level of support, love, and honesty.
My father, I don’t know why, has always been a ridiculous show-off. He wanted me to marry someone with a salary of more than 2 lacs per month. Ahh, okay, it hurts, has a separate car and a separate home, despite knowing that he himself built a house when he was 45. My partner was the eldest among his siblings. My father warned my mother not to call them home for the proposal as they do not meet the “high standards and status” of my family. This status quo of my family through my father brought an unexpected u-turn to my trust and belief in my parents and family, especially my mother. Weeks passed, and my mother did not respond to his mother’s phone call of bringing a proposal. In brief, my parents didn’t want me to marry him. I confronted my mother and decided not to marry. I urged her to give him more time so he could be more financially stable. I asked her to call his mother and tell her that we can give more time instead of not responding to her. It was a huge matter of disrespect now.
My partner was still by my side but against my parents now. My parents disrespected him and his family a lot. After a few days, my father called his mother and told him “Apne bete ko kahain meri beti se dur rhey, hum ne uska rishta kahin aur tey krdya hai wrna apke bete ka hashar jo hoga uska zimedar me nhi.” My partner told me about this phone call and the very next moment I confronted my father after which he again called his mother and said “Apko izzat ki baat smjh nhi ati, ab dekhein apne bete ka hashar.” All this happened because my mom invaded my privacy by unlocking my phone, taking pictures of my conversation with him and forwarded it to my father herself.
Oh my God, this was too eye-opening and terrible for me to see my parents rushing in taking away my love from me only because he did not meet their standards of having a salary above 2 lacs. owning a separate home and a separate car. I was shocked. I decided to talk to my father face to face, and when I tried, he hit me several times and asked me to stop talking to him or else he will kill him and send him to FIA, charging him for forcing me. There’s nothing like it.
My partner’s a very respectable man and his family too is very cooperative and loving. What my parents did, completely broke me. I was shocked to know that I can not even talk about my feelings with my father. They are so materialistic in approach. Me and my partner, are in contact, and we have decided to marry as early as I complete my graduation because whatever happened, there was no fault in me and my partner, he worked day and night but this is obvious that anyone can not buy a house and car only at the beginning of their career. Until I graduate, my partner will become more settled and financially independent.
I feel very upset. I always trusted my family, my parents, but they ditched me. This materialistic approach of having a son in law who has home and car will surely lead them to a great hole in the ground. Almighty knows everything, I trust Allah that he will provide me and my partner with complete justice. Our society is so inefficient in thinking out of the box i.e. the progressive state of mind. All the society, especially such parents, believe in the elite class systems and have so much pride and arrogance along with attitude which is so unexplainable. I swear, all such people will suffer, who only follow religion for their own cause, or where they want validation.
We should change, please trust your child and his decisions. You urge them to study, educate them and when it comes to the decision of choosing a life partner, you discard and ignore their opinion as if they do not matter and are a piece of shit. I wish to bring a rapid change in this mentality. May Allah bless everyone, with a huge amount of support and love, especially from the family because when family denies your opinions and choices, it is the worst thing that could happen, particularly, when it comes from one’s PARENTS.
Stay blessed everyone and parents! Please be the real friends of your children.
