Disclaimer*: The articles shared under 'Your Voice' section are sent to us by contributors and we neither confirm nor deny the authenticity of any facts stated below. Parhlo PInk will not be liable for any false, inaccurate, inappropriate or incomplete information presented on the website. Read our disclaimer.

While I am sitting here, getting excited about ‘The Royal Wedding’, being the real queen of the house – my mother is screaming at me for doing my chores. Clearly, I am not the princess of my house or ‘Papa Ki Pari’ for that matter! But hey, it’s the royal wedding and nobody can bring that level of excitement down and guess what? I am not even invited! Ghulaamana soch wins!

Let me enlighten you with the whole background of this fairytale. So, apparently, Meghan Markle (the bride to be) is a) American b) an actor c) a divorced woman d)older than Prince Harry e) has a dark skin tone f) has a pretty screwed up family.

Now, if this were to be a wedding in Pakistan, saare rishtedaar naraz hojatay!! But hey, it doesn’t end there, because when I wrote she has a messed up family, I mean it isn’t any different than ours. Maybe, a little extreme but we ain’t alone when it comes to the wedding dramas.

Firstly, if you want real friends around you, make sure they are like Meghan’s friends who will make sure you land up with a prince. Not like those jealous type “Saheliyan” who will probably retort back by “shakal dekhi hai?” Meghan Markle’s friend  Markus Anderson, a Canadian fella set her up on a blind date with Harry. Imagine, if your friend sent you on a blind date. No, I can’t even imagine that. Oh, the horror!! And oh, Harry didn’t know about her as he never did watch a single episode of SUITS… you ain’t alone, brotha, neither have I!

And so it all began! They met again and again, and he popped the question while roasting a chicken! I am dead serious. Now how many of you would propose someone while cooking? Nah, you won’t let the sweat come in your way in your sweet moment because you ain’t royal and the load shedding will probably interfere. Imagine, one more time, about your love being on his one knee and light chali jati hai and he has to rush to get the generator going! Pretty royal, eh??? And it won’t happen because there is no way you bring a girl to your house because flying chappal is the only horror story you have experienced.

Then the wedding preps began. Meghan decided to not invite half of her family. Well, because she isn’t in good terms with them and makes me think that this is actually becoming a Cinderella story because nobody likes her and her crazy half-sister is getting all the airtime to tell the whole world how she isn’t invited. And then his dad goes and get his photos taken which was all staged. It showed Thomas Markle preparing for the wedding.

I don’t see any problem with it but the real problem was that he earned around $100,000 with those photos and when he got caught, he announced that he won’t come to the wedding after all because he is ashamed of himself and the half-sister jumps in claiming it was her idea for her dad to get his photos taken. Meghan’s brother wrote a letter to Harry to not get married to Meghan as he is making a big mistake and meanwhile, all I am thinking about is the Queenie and how is she reacting to this whole load of bollocks!

The only information that I totally love is The Royal Wedding Cake. It’s going to be an organic lemon and elderflower cake instead of their traditional fruitcake. It’s raising a lot of questions as to how it is going to be served because it won’t be something you pick up and eat with your hands, as stated by Queenie’s Cousin, Lady Elizabeth Anson. The cake is being made by baker Claire Ptak.

Princess Charlotte is going to be one of the six bridesmaids because a 3-year-old has more awesome social skills than me. (for someone who orders food online k kisi insane makhlooq se baat na karni parr jaaye) and Prince George is going to be the page boy along with other young boys. Experience matters. He is fit for the job as he was a page boy in Pippa Middleton’s Wedding.

While there is a discussion on the entire internet with a touch of bitching that how this marriage won’t last 2 years because Meghan is a gold digger, social climber and Harry will lose interest. Below are my thoughts on how we ain’t different than Brits.

If this was a case in a desi wedding, usual statements would be, “hawww haaye, log kya kahenge”,”mujhe tou bari bahu achi lagti hai”, “ye kaali nahin hai”, “larkay ko is main kya nazar aaya, ye tou larkay se bari hai age main”, “talaq hochuki hai”,”is ka baap kahan hai?”, “is k bachay hain?”, “sirf cake??Labb-e-Shireen nae hai?”,”Camilla ko tou dekho zara” And even better, “Chalo hamain kya?”…