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An instant South Asian recipe featuring a stir-fried bride seasoned with some ‘dil kay armaan ansoun mein beh gaye’ topping. Enjoy it with sprinkles of some peppery-judgemental looks.

Ingredients:

⦁ One dummy/paper/rag/flesh/ or whatever-it-is-made-up-of-girl.
⦁ Her peeled epidermal layer and bleached hair follicles.
⦁ 0.00001% pinch of melanin on the face.
⦁ 1 kg collection of whitening mass.
⦁ A medium-sized fake smile.

Directions:

⦁ Marinate your dermal layers with all the whitening mass.

⦁ For extra care, you can treat your wobbly toe-nails likewise.
⦁ To look like a newborn pearl, leave your lips natural-rusty.

⦁ Don’t use your favorite Kylie Lipcolour, overheating can cause you a label of slut.

⦁ Cover yourself with your dupatta decently. Be decent (Repeat: Decent.)

⦁ Garnish your tea-trolley with some extra topping of eatables.

⦁ Serving of only tea can block the pharynx of your future in-laws or in emergency cases, an unpredictable asthma attack can get them out of your house.

⦁ Now, drag the tea trolley like a limp alien.

⦁ Make sure that your slow-mo-damsel-in-distress-gait should get properly scanned.

⦁ Show your medium-sized fake smile and let them throw balls of shit to your unconscious mind dying in an invisibility cloak.

⦁ BAAM, they liked you stir-fried.

TADAA! The bride is ready!