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There are a million things which shape our perception of life. Millions of things which design our norms through generations. A century ago, norms were shaped by our culture, folklore etc. but from last hundred years, it seems like only and only media controls our norms, the thought process and everything. It affects the way we think, dress, eat, even the way we intimate. Yeah, I know intimacy is still prohibited discussing but I am not discussing it.
I am talking about our perception of one and only species; my favorite one – the standard South Asian bahu. Yeah, something that shaped our behavior towards her. The questions that come to my mind are: what do we demand from her? What do we think she is? Have we decided that she is the soul partner of our sons and brothers? Have we ever thought about how we take her for granted and the fact that she will come to our house ditching her whole life and become a Rajnikant?
And to people who don’t understand the meaning of Rajnikant and even don’t know who he is, then here is a picture of him and some background check. He is the Amitabh Bachan of South Indian movies and he has mastered the phenomenal South Indian action, who will do miracles that defy the law of physics? All in all, he usually doesthe impossible which no human is capable of.
Sorry for getting off track. Yeah, the species called bahu are the factors which have shaped our behavior towards her. Usually, in our society, Muslim women or bahus were well-respected, used to have “laundies” to work for them and they used to give all their time to their husbands and kids. Mother in laws and sister in laws were friendly territories. They didn’t have any distractions like drama etc. though, many women had careers in even the old times and people never had an issue with it. Homes had oldie goldie saasu maas who never had wild guesses about what their bahus might have been planning against them.
But this is all before the dawn of cable or say the dawn of Star Plus and Zee etc. which changed the meaning of bahu for the whole lot. Yeah, the whole generation has started expecting that girl to be bahu hamari rajnikant. If anyone has ever watched this drama, it’s the right take on the role of a bahu in our society. A woman without emotions who’s basic and main task is to please everyone around her, why do these expectations develop? The main reason is an average star plus bahu, managing a million-dollar business, kids, husband and even manages her own kitchen. Wow, how suitable is that.
So, our mothers decide that now whoever will be their bahu, she will only be in charge if she takes responsibility for everything, and maids are only for basic chores. Their bahu must go through everything that they had been through in their time. With husband, comes the responsibility of his siblings and parents. A perfect Rajnikant bahu must feed the family three times with her own hands. If she doesn’t or couldn’t because she is a human too and she has her moods, emotions feelings and can have the fever too; she must be failing at being a bahu.
So, to our dear society, only a robotic bahu will do ALL this because she will not have any emotions, she can’t get hurt and she would not complain. She will not have to rest, she will be your very own, obedient robot. Just feed the program. She will be well-maintained, won’t need new clothes and she will spare your son from all the fazool kharchi that a bahu does on so many levels. My suggestion is like how Japan has sex robots for men. If they send them to South Asia, our very own many I.T specialist ladley bete can improvise them and feed in some house chores programming. I am telling you it will make older ladies happier than they already are.
I know too many of my rants are not relatable, but many Pakistani good bahus will not only relate to it but clap for my idea too. Why ruin a girl’s life for homemade muft ki rotis, salans you don’t like at all, the way she dresses, the earrings she has or the way she does her hair? Why don’t you save your energy and marry your son with a robot? She will walk, talk, cook and think in the same manner you want. And the best bit? She wouldn’t even gossip about you with your son and won’t brainwash him.
My rant is literally a dilemma of our society which is eating the family fundamental like a termite. Because both parties are not ready to give the place this new species deserves in our homes, till we are in her shoes. Mothers have forgotten what it’s like to be bahu, constantly trying to prove your loyalties to people who doesn’t belong to you and neither do they care about you.
In the end, the bahu gets so exhausted and fed up with her marital life that she screws up things much more important in her life for the sake of people who might not be there for her when she needs her own family. It is my request to older women that media is far from reality. It’s like they create a parallel reality to give you options of what could happen. Don’t expect your bahu to be the ideal concept of some production team. She is a real human, not a “reel” human. Remember the difference.