“Death and Wedding”, yes both events both emotions felt at the same time and that’s when I found ALLAH and a fact that there is only HIM who is around you, protects you and all other relations in this world are relentless and merciless but there is only ALLAH who never leaves his creation alone. My journey was not easy to find Allah.
Back in 2013, I got married to a person I never knew before. My husband was very caring and loving towards me and my needs. But in a joint conservative family system, nobody tolerates if a husband is giving even little attention to his wife and so did happen to me. My mother in law made everything possible being cruel, brutal and physical towards me and that was a time I was conceiving.
My husband, in this all matter, was silent because of his financial dependency on his father even I used to cry helplessly in front of him but he couldn’t do anything. After 4 months, one thing happened that changed life. My father was diagnosed with Liver Cancer. During all this phase, I gave birth to my son. Taking care of a toddler all alone and thinking about your father’s condition was pushing me towards depression. I used to pray to Allah for life of my father.
Being a psychologist, I was unable to do therapy for myself just like a surgeon who can’t perform his own surgery. My father went through many surgeries for his cancer treatment and was taking medicines for it. In April 2017 my sister’s wedding was due and exact 20 days before my father DIED. YES, HE DIED. He was my best friend, he was one whom I used to talk for hours on phone and he was one who used to give me advice on everything. He was one who was saving my marriage by giving me lessons of patience and tolerance. AND HE WAS GONE.
People were expressing condolences for my father and congratulating us for my sister’s wedding at the same time respectively and my family was confused whether to cry or show happiness. At the 40th day after my father’s death, my husband and I had a little argument. He verbally abused my widow mother, physically attacked me and much more. He took me to my parents’ house and fought with my mother and brother and asked me not to come back again.
My mother and brother tried everything to fix the issue but he was proud of what he did to me. I remained at my parents’ house for 23 days. In those 23 days I realized if an utmost loving caring husband can turn into the monster in shape of human despite the fact that we haven’t come out of our father’s death, anything is possible from anyone. Yes, this is LIFE. People don’t bother if your loved one is gone or anyone.
In those 23 days, I realized that my father and my husband was my pride. Allah took them both and asked me ‘Ab btaa kon ha tera meray siwa’. In those 23 days, I found Allah, I found Allah’s love. I started firmly believing on the fact that whatever will happen,” Allah will fix this”. It became my coping statement. I went back to my husband’s house by myself because he did not want me back. For the sake of my 3 years innocent kid, I went back. I went back with no expectations from his side.
After 1 week, her mother got mini paralysis and remained in ICU for a week. I have heard a term ‘makafat e amal’. When you plan worse for other, it comes to your way too. I wasn’t happy at this because my parents didn’t do brought up of their children in a way to be happy when something bad is happening to others.
I served her at my best and still serving her. I don’t have expectations from anyone in this world except ALLAH because HE is the ONE who always cares for you and with you in every phase. Last but not the least; parents are the greatest blessing of Allah. Do everything to respect them and please realize their importance in your life.
Give them unconditional love. I have lost one and now realizing his significance in my life now. My father used to say ‘Beta your future is bright’. I have a firm belief in his saying. Expect less from people. Expect more from ALLAH. Believe me, when you will realize the fact that Allah is with you in every phase of your life, your life would change and you will change too in a positive way.