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“Kaunsa month chal raha hai?”, “Bacha ho gaya lekin cravings khatam nahi hui”, “You are eating for two now”, “Ab thora control karna start karo”
If you have been on the receiving end of sentences such as these then consider yourself a victim of Moti-vation.
Our gora bhais define motivation as a desire or willingness to do something. Your phopo-ki-neighbor-ki-chachi pleads it is an open invitation to comment on your size. My weight has always been a topic of interest to those around me. I’ve been commented upon, ‘advised’, or flat-out ridiculed. I’m either too thin or too chunky in the rear, too conscious or not mindful enough.
While it’s been repeated to me that everything said is ‘in my favor’, it makes me wonder why people are under the delusion I don’t have my best interest? I take their comments like I do my tea; with two spoonfuls of sugar, and drain it down the kitchen sink (I have a major tea aversion. Can’t stand the taste! Sorry to all Chai lovers). Khair, It’s one thing to correct an unmarried mindless girls’ eating habits and another to attack a mother of XYZ number of offsprings.
48 Kg Pre-Pregnancy – Here’s how you know you’re an active participant in a passive-aggressive Desi social sport. You are constantly asked how far along you are postpartum A week after giving birth, people were already raising their brows at how I hadn’t exchanged the baby belly for a six-packed abdomen; like it was a voluntary choice to flaunt a pouch in their faces just out of love for a misshapen structure.
I GAVE BIRTH! B-I-R-T-H!
My body needed rest, not sideways judgment. It takes women 9 months of coercing into stuffing their faces with carb dripping treats for the sake of the baby, and then they’re expected to magically erase the extra curves an hour after the baby makes a grand exit.
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Scene: You’re at a dinner party of some family friends. You have a toddler in a booster seat, a five-year-old hanging from the restaurant drapery, and an infant glued to your lap. It’s the first time in months you’ve had the chance to step outside the house. Somehow, you still manage to enjoy the tall glass of chilled mango shake you had ordered. The aunty you’ve known for 15 seconds leans in and says “tie a muslin cloth around the belly and drink warm water. Cold drinks and shakes will only add to your weight. Think about your bechara husband.”
Not only are you changing into a shade of bright crimson, you now loathe the drink in your hand and the folds on your waist. Genuine concern is always welcomed. Who doesn’t like to be cared for? But, unsolicited advice is plain rude.
56 Kg 5th month – Your husband somehow becomes the unwitting victim. “Bechara, Bechara, Bechara”. Personally, I think husbands have broadly sympathized within our brown society. If my husband washes a plate it’ll be shared 253,647 times on Facebook, retweeted 1,000 times, and celebrated as a national holiday in Peru. Mere Sarkaar is a gym rat but has never enforced a regime on me. I’d gained 17 Kgs by the end of my pregnancy and the man never had a mean word to say-which shouldn’t be something specifically praiseworthy-just the way I would never offend him for whatever shape he morphs in to eventually.
The enormity of my love for him, or vice versa, doesn’t exponentially increase or decrease with the size of my ass. But, unfortunately, it’s women who pit you against unrealistic standards. I’ve witnessed women remark on other women for not staying in shape for the sake of husband appeal. Like, seriously? Don’t you think if, I, as a mother, have accepted there will come a time to focus on myself in the future, then, as a father, Mere Sarkaar too knows that a bay-watch babe body is not the reason he is (or should be) attracted to me? As one woman to another, please quit depreciating someones worth by the numbers on a scale.
68 Kg 8th month [/caption] – You’re told to stay active even though you sleep less than 3 hrs per 24 hrs. By stay active, I mean spend more time doing housework. Aunties swear that the reason mothers gain weight is that they’re downright lazy and sleep in all day. So they lecture you on how you should ‘stay active, alter your lifestyle, and mop the floors thrice in every 15 minutes’ because it’s a great way to do squats!
I have a naturally lean torso and collect all my carbs on my thighs or posterior which is why I may seem thinner than I weigh. At a gathering last month an aunty openly body shamed her daughter in law by making comparisons between her and me. The aunty, in all her wisdom, said the reason I’m not as ‘fat’ is that I do all the housework without external help, while her daughter-in-law hasn’t lost a pound in 4 years due to the lack of contribution to house chores.
Her daughter in law was a doctor, with two children, who hired domestic help to tend to the housework. I rest my case. No further explanations needed. Activity does equal better health, but every woman has different reasons to not hit the gym. It is not poor time management that mothers don’t get to exercise, but literally lack of time (and energy). Without additional help, how do you squeeze an hour at the gym in between bulk cooking, scheduled cleaning, and around the clock childcare?
So, next time you are unwillingly tagged in an unhealthy match of Moti-vation, pull out the red flag, call it half-time and munch on some garlic cheese fries without losing eye contact with the opponent. Enjoy yourself in a size 8 or 16! Repeat after me “Ma Body, Ma Biznezz”
