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Yes, I am back with my new rant. But this time, it is not much of a rant but the story of a standard Pakistani bahu who learned to love her saas just the way she is. Yeah, saas and I haven’t lost my mind. You have read it right: Saas. What’s wrong with it? Yes, I am not under any drug influence neither has my saas did taveez on me.
And to be honest, not a single peer faqeer has a taveez for making any saas-bahu to fall in love with each other. Reason? They are fighting over the same man, the same house and to be honest, there is nothing to fight about if you are from the new generation and an independent woman. Because it would be very hard if you are an old soul in the new package, it would be as hard for you to adapt as it’s hard for your saas to adapt to you.
No, I am not going to take a hit on saas, but let’s view things from her perspective. When a girl gets married, she is ready to adapt to change (I am talking about normal marriages where a girl is not coerced into marriage but asked for or her consent is taken). On the other hand, the only lonely honor or said Queen Elizabeth of the entire kingdom already wishing to be free from every kind of responsibility.
But little does she know and think that giving away responsibilities can be traumatic on so many levels for her. And being an old person, she can’t adapt to change as easily as she wants to. Obviously, think for a minute. One fine morning, you wake up and you have to bow down to Kate Middleton as a queen. Think how Queen Elizabeth would feel, the longest reigning monarch in this entire world? That’s what our saas feels like.
On the other hand, we are ready to accept the changed environment. Though I always disagree with the fake adaptation of a new bride in which she doesn’t resist or get angry with the change, but deep down, I know that for people in their adulthood, it is easy for them to adapt. But adaptation needs some of its own.
First, we being the younger lot have to think about our saas as a new furniture piece (In “Yeh Hai Zindagee”, Shahrukh Khan told Alia Bhatt to think her boyfriend as new chair). It’s an old example in Psychology, that new relations are like pieces of furniture. For example, when we buy a new chair or table, we get time to get used to it. We might bump into its corners a few times or get hurt by this new table, but we don’t throw it out because we own it. So, in our adaptation period, we own our saas too.
It will make our lives easier because they are an integral part of our spouses. And I am not only talking about girls, I am also talking about the guys as well. Many guys have issues with their saas, too. It works both ways. To men, I want to say,” No, you didn’t buy your wife and she is not obliged to ask you before going to her parents. If she is making peace with your family, you have to make peace with her’s.”
Adapting to saas needs some desi fundamentals along with some modern ones. This relationship has always been tainted; thanks to Indian TV channels as everything has become so vague. Like they have feed our mothers’ brains for so long that your bahu would be no human but the robot from Bahu Hamari Rajnikant. She might love you more than her husband or on other hands, she might be planning your murder with world-class assassins giving them millions!
Being a modern and progressive woman, we must need not to notice that our queen, who has recently stepped down her throne, has some issues in her mind. She is still the queen. So, if we fake that we care about her opinions or can’t even decide what to cook and how to cook without her consent, this must please her highness for real. Though I know her recipes might be crossed from your very own recipes, but for the peace of mind, pretending is a good game.
Her Highness might not like your cooking skills although you did your culinary degree from the finest culinary institute. But we have to keep this point in mind that it is not about us. It’s about the unconscious issues her highness has with us and it’s all about her kingdom. She cares less for us but for her kingdom matters.
She might discourage you the way you handle your finances or defense and give you the million years of her Art of Monarchy, but we have to play safe. And we all should read the book name “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” and I tell you, the day you master the skill, you will be in peace with each and every one around. And to tell you the truth, after four or five years, Her Highness would make her peace with you.
Like she does with Camilla Parker. Because queen has learned that if Camilla is good with her then what difference does it make to what she cooks or wear. The only fundamental to adaptation is that give her some time. Because she is a human too and she has a full baggage of sufferings from her past too. What our saas is only asking for unconsciously is that we don’t shut her down from her achievement (yeah, giving birth to a boy and then raising him right and making him professional is like an Oscar for our South Asian mothers).
If you don’t understand me till now, then let me give you an example of yourself. When you have your newborn, you want to make each and every decision by yourself and sometimes, are not even ready to share your child with your spouse. So, she is a mother too, and to state it simply she is a woman as you are. So, understand her at deepest level where nobody has ever reached and she will regard your space too.
