There often comes a point in a marriage where you, as an outsider, may listen to the statements such as, “I am not your mom,” or “Stop comparing me to your mom,” uttered by the wife to her husband. This could revolve around anything; a husband seeking care the way his mother did for him, or a husband ordering his wife to do the household chores the way his mother did.
The comparison men have in their heads between the mother and the wife is always there, which potentially also weighs a lot while choosing someone to date or marry.
Internationally proven though, a Ph.D. expert on Men and Young Men at the Cambridge Health Alliance and Harvard Medical School, William Pollack states the following:
“The best foundation for healthy romantic attachments is a close and affectionate mother-son bond. But if you had a rough relationship with a mother who was distant or neglectful, you may unconsciously seek out similar women as romantic partners,”
So Why Do Men REALLY Try to Find their Mothers in their Wives?
1. Because their Mother was the First Woman they Ever Loved
Men growing up being pampered and loved by their mothers, whereas the fathers usually depict themselves as the firm figures, who may love them, but never like a mother. Fathers may pat your shoulder, but a mother would kiss her son’s forehead to remind him how proud she is of him. Men, thus, seek the same sort of love from their partners.
2. They Grow Up Idolizing their Mothers As Role Models
They grow up seeing their mothers as the household runners or being the educated women, this is why when it comes to choosing a wife for themselves, they prefer going for someone who would be a good mother to his children, just like their mother was towards them.
3. They See You As the Second Most Important Woman in their Lives
With their mothers being the role models in their lives, they always see the figure of a mother as a template of women they want to be in a serious relationship with. Hence, you may hear statements of comparison way too often.
4. They Want You to Be Like Her, But Not Be Her
They want someone who is the mirror of the copy of their mother in terms of how she is towards him. Men do not want you to be like mother based on how she towards her husband (his father) but how she is towards the son. They seek the same love and care from their wife because they did not have it from anywhere else aside from their moms.
So when a man comes home, he would expect from you to set the table, react the same way his mother would. Many men forget that they are now grownups and they have married themselves to a woman who has an identity of her own.
A wife cannot be the same as the mother.