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“I never thought my life would turn out to be like this. I wanted to ask every single man, what makes you happy when you violently, brutally beat us? I know the answer but I am tired of this, today is the last day of my life, I am going to be telling all the girls out there this one last thing which is very precious. ‘We all should have done this instead of running away. I want to tell all the young girls blooming into womanly-hood, men are a bunch of sex wankers who need a woman, not for love but only to fulfill their pleasures’.

Let’s start my story, I was born in Karachi, I belong to a middle-class family, my dad died with my mother left in the comma. My life wasn’t that exceptional but one thing I had promised my parents that I will become a doctor in the future and they will see or hear my name as Dr. Mehwish Khalid one day. In the beginning, I studied in a government school, with a free education system, after I had completed my matriculation in science with a percentage of 91%. With the help of my grades, I got admission in one of the prestigious colleges in Karachi. I was studying in scholarship like 70%, rest of it I covered it by teaching kids in the home and tuition center.

My life was going nice, spending a half day in college, half at home with kids and in another tuition center and last few moments of my day with my mom. Every night I go to have dinner with her although she can’t see me it felt good to be sitting beside her and eating. I share all my problems to her, tell her what I did all day long. That’s how my life going, spending two years in college was best moments of my life, made friends, became deputy, again got amazing grades 85%.

After completing intermediate, I felt I was about to achieve my dream, but as people say good things don’t come easy… I got admission in one of the best medical universities in Pakistan but couldn’t afford it because they were offering me 60% scholarship however, it was not enough to cover all my expenses. My budget was so tight that it was impossible for me to bear 40% of the fee. I applied for different jobs but didn’t make it, then finally I got a job. I started working there in night shifts, the job was going well until I found one of my bosses was trying to approach me. Although I never spent time with boys neither in school nor college, he tried to pass vulgar comments on me, that made me uncomfortable.

He refused to accept my resignation and threatened me that he will make it impossible for me to get any other job. I didn’t listen to him and I left. I thought I had saved enough money to meet my expenses but life took a turn when university asked me to pay my semester fee in advance. I had no additional money. I spent every penny on university related expenses. I was broke, they gave me one month extra to arrange the fee. I was depressed and looking for ways to arrange the money. Meanwhile, my mother passed away. In that moment I thought I won’t be able to survive.

I left my home, started wandering around the streets aimlessly. While I was walking, I reached a place where I saw a lot girls, men talking to each other I knew what kind of place is it. One of the men asked me “Kam Chahye? Chalegi Bol?” I didn’t think twice and decided to go with him. He introduced me to a woman who was known as Kainat. She was the head, she scanned me from bottom to top and realized I am not ‘that kind of a girl’. She took me in another room and asked: “what happened? Why are you here?” I know you are not that kind of girl. I told her all my problems, she listened and offered me a massive amount of money so I could pay my fee but insisted that I worked with her.

She also assured that it will be a secret, I didn’t listen to her, got scared and left. All night I was thinking about her offer, my mind wasn’t functioning properly. I was confused whether I should work there or not but on the other hand, I was in need, I wanted that money and I wanted to fulfill my dream. The very next day, I went there and accepted her offer, she gave the money, asked me: “you want to work from now or tomorrow?” I said: “I can work now”. She put me in another room where I waited for 10 min and after that, a man came who was very handsome and appeared to be in his mid-20s.

*Some explicit details have been censored here*

The entire room was filled with my screams, bedsheet covered in blood and I fainted. I didn’t know when he got done with me. Not only did I wake up with a really bad headache but rather in such a state that I couldn’t even move! Somehow, I tried. Got up and removed the sheets. Kainat came into the room, she saw me, smiled and said: ab bani tu larki puri…

I was in so much pain that she made me stay in her room for 2 days until I got back to normal. Three days later, I went back to the university and my final year started. I was excited because it was my final year and after that, I will have something to be proud of. Deep down inside I was afraid of the fact that one day people will find out about my profession. I was afraid of their reaction and their attitude towards me. But I put all of that aside and started focusing on my studies. I was working and studying together but I gave Kainat my word that once I become a doctor I will leave this job forever.

I had enough clients there. They would pay me more and I was in demand. But the moment my parents and I were waiting for was about to come. It was the day of my graduation. The day I finally were to be given the title ‘Doctor’, Dr. Mehwish Khalid. I had my convocation, the moment I had always dreamt of. I was finally getting the degree of MBBS, I was on cloud 9. On the same day, I went to Kainat, showed her my degree. No matter what people think about her, but for me, Kainat was very precious. I got this degree just because of her. I promised her that I’ll visit. Securing A+, I applied at various hospitals, but luckily, I got appointed at one of the best hospitals in Karachi. It was a privilege for me to work there.

My life was going great. I had my own apartment, it felt good. But one day everything changed. The day when one of my mates proposed me for marriage and left me in shock! How can someone really love me? I have known him, we have been working together in the same department. Regardless, I accepted his proposal. After a week, I met his mother, sister-in-law but didn’t meet his brother. All the arrangement for the wedding were made, the whole thing was happening so quickly, the love I was getting from Ahmed and his family was unexpected. It was like I was living a fairy tale moment.

Several days later, Ahmed made me meet his brother. As soon as my eyes landed on him, my world crashed. It was Sameer, my first client. He gave me a wicked smile while I fidgeted with fear. I got nervous and went to my room. I got tensed and didn’t know what to do. Later that night, Sameer came to me and said,

Sameer: Hi Shabana, I didn’t know your real name is Mehwish.

Mehwish replying hesitated: Please don’t jeopardize my marriage, don’t tell Ahmed about the things I did.

Sameer replied: Means you didn’t tell him? Wow, imagine if I tell him? He will immediately reject you.

Mehwish replied: Don’t, please don’t, I will do whatever you say.

Sameer replied: Ohh yeah, now you’re talking, how about tonight? The two of us, again?

Mehwish: To be with Ahmed I will do it but promise me after that you will never talk about it.

Sameer: Okay, done.

After having the conversation with him, he came in my room in middle of the night. It happened. But it was more intense and rough this time. *Explicit details have been removed* I cried all night and complained to God, “Why does this happen to me? On one side, you give me happiness but on the other hand, you took it all away. Why?” The next morning Ahmed came into my room, he was furious. I asked him what happened? Is there something wrong? But he didn’t say anything. I went near him but he pushed me and slapped me.

He held my throat and said: you are a fu*king bitch, you sl*t. Now I know who you really are. I am canceling this marriage, I am breaking up with you, leave my mom now and then left. I was so depressed, worried as my life had finished.  That’s the tragedy that took place. After staying in the apartment for a week, I got a message from my friend about Ahmed’s marriage. I got so angry, I knew he will not accept me but replacing me in a week was something that was unbearable for me. I decided to avenge him and commit suicide right in front of them.

I barged into their house and started yelling: “This guy who loved me, trusted me and made so many promises, broke up with me just because his brother said I am a prostitute! Yes, I am, and I am proud of it. At least I give pleasure and satisfy people, not like you all who play with people’s heart. Without listening to a single word from my side, you and your family threw me out. I curse you and your family that you will never be happy not in this life. Bye to this creepy world where men only love women for sex.”

Dr. Mehwish Khalid jumped off the roof but she survived somehow. She was courageous enough to share her story but now in a rehab trying to fix her life.  However, there are many girls out there who don’t. Our society is still pro-man and many people still objectify women. Lack of job opportunities make people take drastic measures. Women rights are also ignored in this part of the world. Men deem it their right to enjoy pleasure. If they hire prostitutes, they are not judged but women are always labelled.

If you don’t want them to sell sex, stop buying it!