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Life is not a bed of roses for divorced women in Pakistan and I have witnessed it at the age of 33. It was 2016, as I signed my nikahnama, my inbox got filled with hundreds of congratulatory messages from friends and colleagues. My husband was also happy or at least he was trying to look so. After a year, right before my rukhsati, he sent me a document. A document which I dreaded to open. He had given me a divorce without any reason. I was dumbfounded.

Living with a label of “divorced” in Pakistan is considered as shame, weird, available, arrogant, slut, asexual, bossy, fussy and what not. The words and phrases associated with the character of a divorced woman are not given an iota of consideration. While these words might be used for “describing us” they would never be “define us.”

In a country like Pakistan, where lives revolve around the axis of marriage, the life of divorced women is never a fairytale. After a certain age, people tend to assume you married and having two (or more) kids. Even the beggars pray that “Allah Apki Jori Salamat Rakhe” when they see you sitting with a male. The whole society is geared for that. Starting from the meal discounts at expensive restaurants to the TV advertisements, everyone shouts “two for the price of one”. No one promotes the idea of being single. Nobody bothers to think about it.

Life is not like a rose-tinted lens for us. It’s like a curse in our state. Every day I hear numerous questions like “Why don’t you get re-married”?, “Why don’t you settle down once again”? Going to family events especially wedding is yet another task. The relatives tease my parents with the constant refrain of “why don’t you get your daughter married?”, “Haye bechari k sath bohat bura hua”… I still remember the behavior of my cousins who have stopped talking to me after my divorce.

Everywhere I go people somehow find it their duty to fling unsolicited advice at me. But they don’t want their handsome and educated son to tie a knot with me. For me, they have proposals of over-aged and bald men. Renting or owning a house is a trial altogether. My character is questionable so I should be banned from getting into their property.

I am a self-made and ambitious woman. I love my work but the key to a successful life cannot be found in my office files. That is only visible on my wedding ring. I, on the daily basis, hear unwelcoming phrases at the workplace from not only men but also from a married woman of my age. People say things “Isko Tou Paison Ka Lalach Ho Gaya Hai” at my back. Mobility is another factor that creates a problem.  People keep an eye when I go out and when I return. Even in our dramas, divorced women are depicted as “intolerable” and headstrong who are responsible for their fates.

The fact is that the society doesn’t pay my bills, doesn’t sit by my side when I’m admitted to a hospital and thus, doesn’t need to be bothered about. I am responsible for my actions so there’s no need to keep a check on me. Considering me as a burden is not permitted in our religion. Islam does not allow anyone to push someone into forced marriage.

It is better to live alone than to be stuck forever in a mean and failed relationship. I hope that someday my society learns the formula of “live and let live” and accept the “divorced” statuses of women. Try to be a little more sensitive, less interfering and stop poking noses in other’s businesses.