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The University of Texas at Austin provided commentary on a study on the predictors of marital satisfaction and stressors. This study showed that couples’ newlywed marriages and changes in their union over the first two years foreshadow their long-term marital fate after thirteen years … disillusionment—as reflected in an abatement of love, a decline in overt affection, a lessening of the conviction that one’s spouse is responsive, and an increase in ambivalence—distinguishes couples headed for divorce from those who establish a stable marital bond.

The researchers also discovered “differences between the happily married and unhappily married groups were apparent right after they tied the knot.”

33-year-old, married for 5 years, Humuyun shares his experience and talks about why the first 2 years of marriage are critical. He and his wife faced in spite of love marriage and how his elder brother’s advice strengthened their married life. After four years of relationship, they tied a knot as there was a perfect understanding between them and they thought it’s a perfect romance and the whole universe existed just to bring them together.

But a month after they got married, the romantic dream ended and dreams of a perfect married life shattered. Contrary to their expectations, married life was different to that of a relationship phase. The honeymoon phase of relationship and marriage was over. The practical life and responsibilities of marriage were hard. Their expectations were exceeded and unmet expectations bred frustration. They didn’t communicate their expectations properly so they went unmet.

Their attitude changed, they were shocked but the power of love kept them together in spite of arguments fights and disagreements, and they cherished the beautiful memories of relationship life. They failed to understand the qualities of a great marriage: trust, communication, respect, understanding, love, compassion, space, and compatibility but never unloved each other and disliked each other’s presence. He was honest with her and told her about his past relationships, she was his lover and never mentioned or taunted him. But soon after the honeymoon stage, his wife started to taunt him about his past and doubting him when he stayed out for work at night.

There were frequent arguments, overreactions, blame games and fights eventually the end of intimacy and romance. They screamed at each other. They were continuously hurting each other and they were depressed and disillusioned. This was not what they expected and his wife, just after 3 months left him and went to her parent’s house. They loved each other but their arguments damaged the trust they had in each other and they mutually decided to stay away for a while. But their greatest fear was parting ways.

Humayun decided to share his problems with his friend who was happily married for 10 years. He told him that the first 2 years of marriage were hard for him too. To accept new responsibilities and new priorities for a couple is a difficult task. Especially for women as they adjust to a new environment so they adapt to new circumstances and accept new people. When a girlfriend becomes a wife, things change and vice versa. So, giving -up unrealistic expectations and it’s wise to accept the practical realities and transition of responsibilities in a new role.

He gave an example of his life incident which presented two scenarios that his wife got pregnant soon after marriage and after the birth of his daughter, their honeymoon phase was over and they had to accept a new responsibility as parents. His expectation was that when he arrived home, dinner would be prepared and they would sit up and eat like a family.  But the reality was that dinner was late and when he searched for his wife, she was always busy handling the toddler as his daughter was screaming and wife was overtired and overworked.

Toys scattered all over the living room and after the toddler slept, they picked up the toys and separately had dinner as there was no fixed time. And at night, they used to collapse on the bed. He advised him to accept the changed scenarios without getting frustrated, to stop complaining about his partner’s changed attitude and avoid unrealistic expectations was the demand of time. So, when they learned to adapt, they would learn to live happily.

After the conversation with his brother, Humayun understood that they should focus on practical and changed reality instead of focusing on past and unrealistic expectations which frustrates them. It was the thinking that they didn’t care about and each other’s wishes, needs and desires started ruining their married life. So, they should communicate well and adapt to a changed situation. Adaptation, acceptance, and adjustment helped Humayun and his wife to save their marriage live happily.

Source: experts.illinois.edu and thespruce.com