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We Pakistanis have big families and we are proud of it. Not only you get tons of doting grandparents but find the greatest of friends in your cousins and it is the best feeling in the world. Let’s not forget the countless marriage ceremonies you get the chance to attend and do crazy dance routines to show-off what a proud cousin you are. Ah! It’s awesome.
But where it is good, there is also some bad and we sure get our fair share of relatives that we wish didn’t exist. So why not talk about it and let it all out? Here are our top 10 picks of what we believe are toxic relatives.
1. ‘Tumko Mirchi Lagi To Mein Kya Karun, Aunties?
These aunties were born to give you the tease, they will ask you a question that is a taunt and not so disguised. She is also that auntie who would keep an eye on you to see whether you have your dupatta on but would jump on you like an angry cat to defend her own daughters. Hypocrisy seems to be in trend these days and these aunties are on it. They have zero ounces of shame and integrity and come to your house with a mission to ruin your mood and get a good kick out of it. Best way to deal with them is a laugh and make fun of yourself. DO NOT give them the satisfaction that anything they have said has affected you.
2. Blame Game Walay Loag
‘Haw haye, ap Kabhi milti nahin aur na hi phone karti hain’ Ever heard any relative say this to your mom or dad? These are the same relatives that couldn’t care less if you die and never once messaged you, let alone giving a call to do some salam dua but will have the audacity to blame you for not staying in touch. Best answer? ‘Itni tarap thi hamari to khud call karletien, ya milney ajatien ‘.
3. That Gossip Queen Auntie or Uncle (yep, men do it too)
So this auntie in the khandaan is secretly known as the ‘chalta phirta akhbaar’; If you want dirty news to circulate in the entire khandaan, all you have to do is tell this auntie and voila! She cannot keep anything to herself and her only productivity is when she goes house to house just to spread rumors. This auntie isn’t just qualified to be a professional gossiper but possesses several skills, including how to skillfully use intel to create disruptions among families. Astagfirullah! Keep away.
4. The ‘Self-Righteous’ Ones
These uncles and aunties would go around giving lectures about being a good human or Muslim, preaching, taunting (AKA ‘ham to bas apna samajh kar bol detey hain’). YES, they for one need to look within because these relatives reek of hypocrisy, manipulation and downright drama – Everyone knows this, but themselves. Practice what you preach doesn’t apply to this kind.
5. The ‘Masoom’ Relatives
Yes, they pretend to be the most innocent of us all, but little do people know the ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’. They would have the upper hand in family politics because of their innocence. Everybody in the family likes them, they are always on their best behavior or fake behavior, if you want to say it as it is; these people can get away with white lies, so you can’t really choose to tick them off, or else be ready to be the highlight of some new rumor.
6. The Kanjoos, Makhi Choos Ones
These relatives are loaded and have great careers but cannot even make the effort of hosting a dinner party for you or invite you at their lavish homes, because who’d want to go through the struggle of getting the house cleaned up, that too from the house help. They won’t be handing out any eidi and even if you ask them for it, they’d stall you until you eventually get the hint. Save yourself, don’t bother.
7. The ‘Shaadi Kerlo’ Ranting Aunties
These aunties are bestowed with the duty to remind girls who are in their mid to late twenties about their ‘misfortune’ of not getting married soon enough. And they take the worst approach, that is, they will ask you ‘beta shaadi kyun nahin hoi? Ya karna nahin chahti?’. And if this wasn’t enough, they will start giving you unsolicited advise s based on their own assumption that you do not want to get married. Chill out, auntie!
8. Kaala Jadu and Giving Nazar
These are the scariest relatives among the rest and are often closer to you in relation. They have been keeping a grudge against you or your family for god knows how long and chose to go down the road that is forbidden and do black magic to satisfy their own envy. It’s a lot more common and whether you believe it or not, it is better to keep your ayatul kursi and namaz punctuality in check.
9. ‘Looking for Your Flaws to Feel Better Walay ‘ Cousins
How can we not mention those jealous cousins that wait for you to fail at something in life so they can finally fulfill their insecurities by constantly rubbing your failures in your face and reminding you how they are doing better. A disclaimer, great cousins are the best of friends and make our lives brighter. So kudos to the good ones!
10. Khud Assume Ker Ke Naraz Hojane Wale Relatives
These snowflakes or should I say drama queens are waiting to twist and turn what you said that was clear into something nasty, so they can do at least two things; create a drama and portray you as the bad guy and go behind your back and spread the ‘mistreatment’ they received to give you a bad name. Allah!
And we are done, so what do you guys think? Isn’t this the stories of several big families and if not all 10, you must have had your encounter with some of these toxic relatives. At the end of the day, do good to others and stay away from the bad.