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Society plays a vital role in our lives. Nothing can be done without thinking of the society. By society, I don’t mean family or friends, people around and the *log* who make up this society unbearable. Likewise * loug kya kahein gay* has ruined generations and crushed hundreds of dreams.
In my life, this so-called society has played a considerable role and I know it will continue till my last breath. So I decided to pen down the harsh realities I am facing. I belong to a well-reputed family, where girls are no less than sons of the family. No difference has ever been made between the genders. Since childhood we were given a boundary line – more like a line of control, we knew our limits and the difference between good and bad, there were a certain set of rules given to each of us, and we did our best to abide by.
My family is from a religious background where both worldly and religious thoughts go side by side. We are a perfect happy-loving family. Dealing with life isn’t a piece of cake, it’s like a marathon in which everyone is trying to win the medal of being perfect, despite the fact that they will have to face a large number of difficulties, the bumpy roads, hurdles and what not, but no one gives up and puts their best efforts. Some fall and choose to back out and give up, others stand and run again.
Likewise, I am a not so athletic person who is running in this race to win the title of Ms. Perfect, knowing the fact that no one is perfect, we have our own capabilities which we are best at, but I chose to run as fast as I can, breaking all the stereotype. While running this race I have lost myself, who I was, who I wanted to be, my aim, my goals, I forgot everything and still couldn’t be the perfect one. Living my life for others, like others want me to be, but I ask why? Why can’t I do what I want to do? Why do I need to take approvals from my elders before I want to do anything? It is my hair, my style, my clothes, my body, going out, making friends, choosing my career or profession etc.
Today I am a rebellious, angry, depressed, scared, unconfident young girl just because the society made me this way. I am fat but I cannot face the people just because of their sarcastic comment or the worst compliment, “kon tumse shaadi karega” (who will marry you?) or “look at you, kya haal karliya hai”, without realizing the impact they will leave behind on me. I stand there quiet but I don’t argue, yes because I respect my elders, that’s what I was taught, “buray loug samany jawab dete hain”.
If I choose to wear skin fit jeans and a shirt I will become a shameful girl who has no respect for the society. If I swear words whether it be f*** it, I became a not so innocent girl (like I was when I was a child), how can one lose her innocence if she swears?
If I smoke once in a blue moon I will become the B category girl “ charsi bun gaye ho”. I love to hang out after every other day but I have become the *awaara larki* because “larkiyan itna nahi ghoomti” or be it like “ tum ghar mein kahan hoti ho”. The day I argue with the elders and keep my opinion on certain things I become a disobedient girl.
If I cry and feel depressed I become a mad girl which ends up like *dimagh kharab hogaya hai*. Being rejected by your body, color is like a ritual, how can society accept a girl who is 70+kgs whether their chaand sa beta is impotent but the girl should be pyaari, gori and patli. If I talk to a random guy via Instagram or Messenger, I am not desperate. If I have dark colored hair, boots and fancy jewelry with the darkest lip color, don’t judge me as a hoe. If I am found with a guy it’s not necessary I am sleeping around with him. If I am dressing up for university or getting my body waxed, or even buying some hot fancy inner wears don’t question me *kis ko dekhany k liye karrahi ho?*
When I make future plans traveling alone doing something out of the box I am stopped abruptly *jitni chaadar hai utnay pair phailao* (cut your coat according to the cloth). Dressing up while going out before being married is a sin because we can only do that for our husbands. You cannot share a cheeky post on Facebook or a depressing post because the people in your list are the typical society members who will question you because you have no right to post shit without any reason. You cannot talk about your sex fantasy because only experienced people can talk about sex shits, people would ask that *porn dekhti ho kya* or *are you a non-virgin*? I wear black threads, silver rings, silver anklet it’s not necessary that it is a votive demand, even if it is, is it important to let you all know? if you ask me to remove it I won’t because I like it.
I have learned a lot in this short life, in this hypocrite and materialistic society all by my experience. In a way I have become strong, I don’t cry in front of people rather cry all night alone. I don’t complain rather stay quiet, I don’t talk about it rather at night I write about it. Being in this race I lost my self, I lost my love who chose a girl over me because I was not as pretty as she is, I lost my faith. On one hand, I lost a lot and on the other, I earned and learned a lot.
I want to ask every other girl here that why society is given so much importance? Why are we answerable to them while our religious preaching tells us that we are answerable to our Creator. I will wear whatever I want to; I’ll do whatever I want to; I’ll spend my life the way I love; I’ll be around things that give me peace and happiness; I’ll set my life goals and will work to achieve them. I will argue, fight for my right and take a stand even if I am that “batameez” girl. I’ll think out of the box, I will dress the way want to and I’ll choose my style. If I do all this will the society accept me?
Eventually whatever we do and say it won’t make a difference because we are part of the society where girls cannot be like boys no matter how liberal our gathering is. At least in the society where I am this happens so I am not sure if everyone here can relate to it, but I need the freedom of choice, I need to breathe the fresh air, I need my mind to be in toxic, I want to be appreciated for who am I, I want them to accept me the way I am . I want the suicidal thoughts to go away, I want to overcome my depression and anxiety. I don’t want to be more rebellious because if I am being stopped again and again ill do what you stop me from, my anger will be louder than the roar and as silent as the grave.
This open letter to the society is not only from me but from all those girls who are under this society’s feet. While writing I just realized society is just a random word from the dictionary so even if is kept aside and not given much importance nothing will stop and family , yourself comes first If anyone of you can relate and agree, just try spreading smiles, hug your sister or friends she must be fighting with depression , as them maybe they are going through a bad time, be with them because they might need you , call them maybe they are waiting to hear you, meet them often they must be missing you, talk to them listen to them support her appreciate her, because if we are together we can conquer the world.
