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When I got married at the age of 25, I was working as a clinical psychotherapist at a local NGO. After completing my studies, I joined this NGO and after coming home, I used to cook for my family. For me, cooking was one thing that made me relate to my mother. We used to have good mother-daughter time when we cooked. My mother was famous for her amazing dishes in family and acquaintances, though they were not extremely difficult to make.

And as any daughter, I always wanted to be like my mother. I wanted to be loved, respected and well-known for my cooking. But as I made my way through college and university as a psychology student, I started observing that my mother is as simple as her dishes and she put all her love and care into food. She always looked forward to feeding us healthy meals.

I used to wonder why doesn’t she ever get tired of cooking for us on a daily basis? Arranging feasts on EID days, on birthdays and even sometimes when she used to be sad. Even in the saddest times of her life, I have found her in the kitchen with her utensils; busy in her routine. At that time, I was unable to understand the bond between her and her ‘KITCHEN THERAPY’.

But when I got married, and I had to adapt to my new family, I had a lot of challenges on my hand. So, just like my mother’s footsteps, I have found my solace in KITCHEN THERAPY. As a newlywed, it’s pretty obvious that my skill set would be judged on my cooking. Who cares if I was educated, did my MS or worked at a well-known organization, anyway? Cooking was the key. My cooking skills are what is going to define me in this new family (yeah, like that Milk Pak advertisement, Maya Ali making tea first day, it was extreme).

So instead of becoming depressed and anxious about what I have got myself in to, I decided to act like a pro. In the beginning, when I was new in the kitchen, it was a lengthy job for me. All the cutting, chopping and mincing was a little too much for me. But gradually, as time went by, I found peace in it. When everybody used to be busy in their daily routines, I used to make my way to my ‘art studio’ aka kitchen. I used to plan out menus and then, would usually try to find some middle path that will combine my recipes and my in-laws, to make it taste perfect.

And in this process, I would create my masterpiece which everyone loved. It used to give me the sense of nurturing. When people use to appreciate my dish, it felt as if they are appreciating me. Cutting, chopping, and slicing is the very therapeutic way to channelize my aggression. It is always better to give than receive and the experience can be pretty emotional as some dishes would remind me of my family gatherings, poignantly, nostalgic memories came to my mind while cooking (Like Mawra remembers her mother in that tea advertisement).

On the other hand, cooking gives the person some ‘me time’, alone and at peace; silently listening to yourself while creating a piece of art in your art studio (kitchen). Cooking is therapeutic because it brings you closer to your loved ones. If you are going to cook for somebody, you must know their likes and dislikes. And as food is a form of nurturing, cooking for somebody is a subtle way to express that you care about them. Even the aroma of different spices helps us relax from different types of stress and anxieties we have been going through.

Not many of us know that ‘sabut garam masala’ has a therapeutic aroma. And yet, at the same time, add beauty to a dish. And in our society, where food is everything, where marriages fall apart on the difference of taste in food. I met an auntie in her late sixties (though she likes to be known as her early fifties), who rejected a girl based on her community that she will never learn to cook like her, or her portions would be smaller than her when cooking.

I hope that Auntie will find a bahu who is a perfect cook and gives her a tough competition. Food plays an important role in bringing families together. As per the old saying, “Family who eats together will always stay together”. In other countries, fusion of food is widely celebrated but here in Pakistan, any kind of fusion is thought as a Na Qabil- e-Maafi Jurm. I wonder if anybody ever tried to make aalo gosht in gastro art or maybe a deconstructed ‘Kheer’…

However, all this may be possible, but as Pakistanis, we are not so fond of change. Right? So, our food remains the same for generations and generations. Ever noticed cultures that are famous for their home recipes and are still bonded to a family system?

Here’s what is very important, I want to mention that cooking should remain a form of art and should not be enforced upon people. Especially for those who simply don’t like cook. There are times when people who love to cook may need a little break from their therapy, from their art and from their sanity. Like a reprieve. Because even when I think I am a pro at cooking, there are times when I need a break, too.