We have heard many stories of woman betraying their spouses and men showing no interest in their wives. Many stories where they can’t leave each other because of kids and stories where kids suffer due to the disturbance in the parent’s relationship.
There is this Instagrammer who’s a storyteller; where she writes on her blog and is also a filmmaker. She shares some heart-wrenching stories on her blog and her youtube channel, all of these will move you. But this one story caught many people’s attention.
Many of these stories she shares come from different woman all over the world; just like this one.
This is a story of “Pain Addiction”
This story she shared of a woman who chooses to stay anonymous. This woman told her story of how she has pain addiction.
“You see I am a woman who, while she talks about the fiqh of wudu, secretly still talks to her ex. I’m happily married. I wasn’t initially but I am now. I have 3 beautiful kids. Didn’t have the greatest upbringing and a very distant relationship with my dad. But none of that excuses me still loving a man who didn’t marry me 15 years ago.”
“I’ve often felt that it’s an addiction. It has an opioid-like effect on me, it numbs and tames down any hurt or pain I may be feeling. Other things lose their gravity so to speak. And I’m whole again. Until I need my next fix. And I cherish it when he hurts me, I love that searing pain in my heart, it’s very familiar and it’s a gift from him and it makes me feel I’m alive. I wish I could know what I mean to him. I’m forever the confused 24-year-old who didn’t know any better and fell hard for the first time.”
“I know it is ugly and hypocritical. I know that. But it’s me. This is my conflict. My suffering? All beautiful things make me sad.”
A woman who’s married for past 15 years and ha 3 kids, still would go back to her ex for solace!
“I knew him before we got married and his mom didn’t approve so it didn’t work out. Because I got married immediately after (as a result of parental blackmailing to someone I wasn’t very into), letting go was hard. So I never did. It’s as simple as that. I don’t think I ever got over him. Despite becoming a mother of three. I know it doesn’t fit into the mould we have made for mothers but it’s true. I also think that it wasn’t that I was fresh out of a relationship. My husband and I are a real mismatch is every sense of the word. Mentally, physically, intellectually.”
“I was absolutely miserable and when I started giving some serious thought to divorce, I got pregnant. I wept when I found out. Both of my first two pregnancies were spent with furtive phone calls and meetings with my ex, and it was definitely reciprocal then. It’s the only way I survived that period of my marriage.”
“when I found out he was getting married I used to cry so much I thought I would die. I went to his valima and the whole night I felt actual fear. I had given this man everything, I had never invested in my marriage, and now I sawing him falling for his wife and I felt I had absolutely nothing.”
She believes that the pain addiction is derived from her relationship with her father
“I was diagnosed with depression and eventually Bipolar 2 a year back so it may have something to do with that. But not sure. Depression has clearly established links with low self esteem, lack of motivation etc and bipolar has links with addiction and hyperfixation.
I know I must stop eventually because it’s literally a form of self-harm, in the garb of temporary relief. I’ve tried many times in the past, but I go back eventually. I know I must go cold turkey. It’s just will power. Which I currently lack.
She’s still there, in the vicious circle
I hope to heal and one day find my complete happiness in my husband, who is a kind generous man. Not as intelligent intellectually or emotionally as me, but a great guy nonetheless. But that’s the thing- if I don’t find emotional comfort in him, but he provides for me and my children, is that enough? Is it that my marriage is lacking in ways I find hard to define? I am not justifying my behavior but I feel I need to answer these questions to be able to find my way back to happiness again.”
“Have years of emotional isolation from my father left me feeling needy? Too needy perhaps for a woman at my stage of life. But really, do we ever grow out of our need for love and affection? Do I think I don’t deserve better? Have I secretly accepted that the way my father treated me is the way I deserve to be treated? Which is why I keep returning to a man who has nothing left to offer except sympathy. But then who else is there to turn to?”
She’s no longer trying to escape this situation, or maybe she would do. But this is a place where no one would want to be!
