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This Pakistani Girl Explains How Women Are Taught To Keep Their Mouths Shut In Our Society

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When my mother went for her ultrasound while she was pregnant with my elder sister, the lady doctor pretended that she couldn’t really tell the gender. She didn’t know that my mother was herself a doctor and had seen that it was a baby girl. When my sister came into this world, the nurse wouldn’t tell my father that he now fathers a daughter. My father found it absurd. Both my parents were filled with joy. After a son, bringing a little pink girl in the house was the most joyous thing for them.

People asked them, why are you celebrating the birth of a girl? My parents euphorically responded that she will be the blessing and the happiness of their house. They loved both their kids and then I came along. The love was never less for any of us. My parents always joyfully introduced us to their colleagues and friends. People’s prayers were always the same: To my brother: May you be successful (kamiyaabi), and to us: May you have blessed marital lives (naik naseeb).

While my brother was raised to earn huge for a household that he will have one day, my sister and I were raised to keep our mouths shut, be more flexible, tolerate more; and parts of similar households one day. He was taught how to tolerate the boss, while we were taught how to tolerate the husband and the in-laws. As we grew up and got married, our parents realized why they have warned all their lives long.

Source: The Mack Lessons Radio Show

My sister got married into a family that brought her into their home with great zeal and love, but they couldn’t keep up with that love. The first month into the marriage and the guy started ignoring her. The third month he started scolding her, taking his office frustrations out on her. One year and a child later, he stopped paying for her. She had to work on online free-lance forums to earn for herself. Apparently, she wasn’t allowed a day job. Her leaving the house to earn, brought shame to her man’s pride. She couldn’t even ask our parents, because that is what she was taught: keep your mouth shut.

Three years, a lot of domestic burdens, work burden, and a child with developmental disorders later, physical abuse started. She wasn’t given money, and he had to earn it herself (it is worthy to mention here that her spouse earns nearly 400K and only his parents depend upon him). She had to pay for her kid’s therapies and school herself. She worked all night long and took care of the house all day long.

Source: zawya.com

All that she got from her husband was: “You don’t even do anything”, “You’ve birthed an abnormal child”, “I don’t want to look at your ugly face”. Her in-laws were no different. My parents wedded my sister off to a foreign qualified chartered accountant, thinking she’ll stay financially secure and happy. I wish there was some resume that showed how emotionally and psychologically stable that man really was.

When the physical abuse and psychological abuse reached is height, she decided to kill herself. Just when she picked the poison up, she remembered one thing she had read long ago: “Suicide doesn’t make things any better. It just takes away the chance of them ever getting better”. She put that thing down, packed her stuff, called my father at 11:30 pm and left. She wasn’t allowed to bring her kid along. She had come back home after a good four years. She lived at fifteen minutes’ drive from our place, but her husband didn’t ever allow her to visit us. She sprawled all the tales of injustice and violence from the last five years. As she cried and screamed and begged God for her baby, my parents realized why the nurse and the doctor were scared of saying: “You’re birthing a girl”.

Source: REUTERS

I, unmarried, standing by the door, listening to all of this, came to just one conclusion. We teach our sons all the money making skills, but we never teach them to love, respect and care for their wives as equals. We girls are taught to keep our mouths shut, but we are never taught how to live as equals. We are taught to show more humility and bend to the desires of men and in-laws since apparently, this is what ‘mashriqi’ women do. We are never told when to stop bending, for it just might break our backs.

Men leave the matters of their wives to their parents, who already don’t like this person who has entered their comfort zone. Now, I understand that my sister was a bit more unfortunate for having such a person in her life, but so are millions more out there. Her husband might be what you call a ‘psychopath’, but so are many men out there. Many of you might say that ‘she should have been told not to stay quiet or bend too much; but unfortunately, most of the women are taught that very exact thing.

I think it is about time that we taught men, that women are their human equals. Humans with their own minds, hearts, intellects, wishes, and thresholds. They are to be treated as equals. It is time that men are taught to be emotionally stable, alongside being economically stable. It is time that men and women are equally taught how to respect, honor, care and show loyalty in the relationship. It is time that both of them are taught to pitch-in in the household handling. It is time for the way to be paved for women, to add to the financial stability of the couple (without the man’s pride coming in the way). It is time that we let those shut mouths speak.

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