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Culture and religion… There’s a very thin line between the two. However, if you live in a place like Pakistan, that line becomes too thin, maybe even non-existent. Typically, people here attempt to submerge the two when they are in fact, two very different things. Here are some of the cases in which people tend to get confused.

DOWRY

Dowry is the wealth given to the groom’s family from the bride’s family. In other words, the “bride’s price”. Let me clarify that this was adopted from the Indian culture. Islam, in fact, says the opposite. It says that Mahr is the RIGHT of the wife which is lawfully hers and she does not have to share it with anyone including her relatives if she doesn’t wish to do so.

“And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4]  this is done to protect the wife.

The Dowry system has become very problematic in our society. Firstly, it reinforces that women are a “liability” and you have to pay a price in order to get married to someone; suggesting that the grooms family/groom are doing her a favor? When in fact it is the brides’ parents that are giving responsibility for their CHILD to another person.

The child they brought up, cared for, fed and love with all their heart and instead of being honored; some people want wealth along with that too?? It is not only objectifying women but also if the demand is not met by the bride’s family, she suffers at the hands of her groom’s family. In many cases, steps can be taken by the groom/his family such as domestic violence in order to get the money. Of course because of the taboo of being a divorcee in our society the family is forced to give the money.

SHALWAR KAMEEZ

Shalwar Kameez is the traditional outfit worn by Pakistanis. Many people seem to assume or have this idea in their heads that if girls wear shalwar Kameez you’re not modest or “too modern” Shalwar Kameez is a CULTURAL dress and not wearing it does not mean that you’re not modest. You can wear jeans and a shirt and be modest: shalwar Kameez has no connection with that. Neither does what you wear with what kind of a person you are.

Wearing a  shalwar kameez doesn’t make you “Shareef” it just makes you a person who is wearing shalwar kameez. Not wearing shalwar kameez does not mean you’re “too liberal” or “asking for it” PLEASE. Stop. With. The. victim. Blaming. I’m no scholar but Islam does NOT anywhere say that if you don’t wear “shalwar kameez” you’re inviting yourself to rape or you’re not religious enough. It talks about dressing modestly not wearing “shalwar kameez”. Keep in mind that this our CULTURAL dress.

ARRANGED MARRIAGES

Arranged marriage is also another cultural tradition that we follow. It is popular in many countries such as Pakistan, India, China, Bangladesh etc. However, if someone decides to marry someone by CHOICE they are not committing a sin. Islam in fact, explicitly says, Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner.”(Quran 2:232)

In fact, forced marriages are what is said to be a “sin” in Islam.

“No father or mother or any close relation can force his/her children to marry anyone against their free will and consent and If parents force their daughter to marry someone against her wish then the marriage will be void/not valid”. – Imam Bukhari.

Please do not force your children into marrying someone who YOU think would be a better fit. Sometimes parents tend to forget that it is their child’s lives/futures they are dealing with. Islam does give parents the right to give their advice on such matters but forcing them is forbidden.

Women responsibilities AFTER marriage

According to the Quran, the wife has absolutely no duty and responsibility laid upon her by Islam towards her husbands family or in-laws, including the husbands’ parents, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, etc. She is only to take care of the needs of her husband and children. It is not obligatory for a woman to cook either but she can. She has the right to refuse if she doesn’t wish to do so. Just like that, she has the right to work and men have the right to help with housework.

Our culture for some reason puts one gazillion responsibilities on a woman. Some people expect to treat them like trash yet expect her to cook, wash, clean FOR THE WHOLE HOUSEHOLD because she’s your wife. If you choose to marry someone for this reason; I think you need a domestic worker rather than a wife.

Anyways my point is not to degrade our culture in any way. It may have its faults but I think some aspects of it are absolutely beautiful. I mean our cultural dress is so vibrant and classy I love it. But sometimes people tend to criticise or create problems with people on the basis of “religion” when the problem is not connected to religion at all but in fact our culture. Be careful, maybe in order to reinforce what you might think is your “religion”, you might be enforcing wrong values which might just lead to false rumors about our religion; giving people who hate it an agenda to spread hate and violence. Not only that, but giving the wrong idea to ordinary Muslims making them feel confused.

I feel that Islam which is, in fact, beautiful, gives rights to all. It is a religion which is misinterpreted a lot and it is our duty to clear those doubts out of peoples’ minds. But hey, you know what should be a part of our culture? Respecting other people and their opinions, minding our own business, building relationships on the basis of love rather than by forcing. Treating marriages like a sacred vow rather than just a mere transition. Just a thought.