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‪Check-list for requirements to be qualified for a rishta otherwise you’re doomed for eternity to be a lowly, lonely spinster:

1. Thin:

Must be 40 KG or under, malnutrition is acceptable, we prioritize size over health.

2. Fair-skinned

Because ‘Goray Rang Ka Zamana Kabhi Hoga Na Puraana’ aur ‘Sanwali Saloni’ sirf gaaney ki hadh tak achi lagti hai.

3. Exceptional Cooking Skills:

Can cook at least 30 dishes from cuisines all around the world to save catering costs at big events happening at home.

4. Rapid House-work Skills:

Master at cleaning and decorating a 3-story house in under 20 minutes. Plumbing skills are a plus.

5. Simple Personality:

Read: has no dreams, ambitions or opinions. Preferably, has the phrase, ‘As you wish’, on repeat.

6. Religiosity

A girl will be rejected if she’s not religious enough, for example, a non-hijabi. She can also be rejected if she’s ‘too religious’ and prioritizes faith over our cultural traditions. Basically, we tell her how to practice her faith.

7. Sensitive And Caring:

Must willingly deal with all the emotional insensitivity because a woman’s fate is to endure EVERYTHING patiently regardless of how it affects her mental health.

8. Highly Educated:

However, she cannot be more educated or successful than the boy because his fragile ego may de-inflate. In any way, only men are meant for success and power.

9. Compromises:

Should be willing to completely change her ideologies, habits, preferences accordingly. ‘Individuality’ is not for ‘good-cultured-girls’.

10. Age:

If the girl is over 25 years of age, we are sorry to inform you that she is inapplicable for rishtas. She will forevermore live a lonely, incomplete life and will be incapable of finding a husband (unless he is 40 or above because we only prefer girls between 18-23 years since it is easier to ‘control’ them.)

Sounds ridiculous? But how many of these factors are actually true. Time to evolve as a society.