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In the Southern Asian countries, divorce is, usually, really looked down upon. Well, perspectives cannot really be blamed, there are always reasons for perspectives that seem right to the perceivers of it. And well, divorce, after all, is not an ideal familial situation. A divorce leads to many discords in families.
Families and bonds are highly valued in the East, especially, the sub-continent. So, when a family is uprooted, the normal balance of life is uprooted, maybe, not so permanently, nevertheless, one cannot deny its effects.
Extended families are also not safe from the reverberations of the divorce. It usually creates a sour taste in everyone’s mouths for the other family. Everyone is an affected and everyone feels wronged. However, the most innocent and most affected victims of divorce cases are not the divorcing couple themselves, nor their relatives, but their children, if any. They lose the equilibrium of familial life that most of us take for granted and should be very grateful for.
Not having one parent completely in life, or for a limited period of time strains the strings of the relationship between parents and children. The psychological impacts of a divorce on children can be very harmful. A child and a parent share a bond of unconditional love. That love is ingrained in our systems. We cannot erase it or cut ties with it. That love cannot be divorced.
All the wreckage that is unleashed and the havoc that is wreaked resonates in the upbringing of children and their mental health and stability. This is one of the many reasons why divorces are looked down upon and considered a big NO. This fear of consequences fills, dread in the hearts of prospective suitors and their families, who think twice before forming any association with the child of a divorced couple, especially a female child.
The general instability of household, the mental health and higher tendency towards seeking a divorce are the usual concerns of potential suitors and their families, whether the concern is valid or not, is debatable.
A hadith (Islamic narration of the Prophet s.a.w.w.) states that “Of all the permissible things allowed, divorce is the most hateful one in the Sight of Allah.” [Sunan Abu Dawood]
Islam stresses the importance of a stable family life and the bond of marriage is sacred in its eyes. Couples facing issues are advised to do their utmost to resolve those issues amicably and maintain their bond, if possible. Though it is an unfavorable last resort, yet it is permissible to seek the divorce when the marriage becomes irreparable. There is wisdom in both situations.
When a marriage becomes a constant burden for either or both partners, it is preferable to dissolve the marriage. This helps overcome the continued strain that the couple and their families live in. If the couple has offspring, the strain of the marriage adversely affects the peace of mind of the children.
Furthermore, either or both partners would be tempted to look for all that they are missing in their marriage outside their marital grounds. An unstable married life forms a damp, well-cultivated soil for extra-marital, illicit relationships to sprout.
It is human nature to be attracted to love, to crave for attention and desire respect, and if and when these are not to be found at home, the heart wanders for it outside the fortress of the home and outside of the confines of the marital life. But, this reason does not make a wrong thing right. A wrong on all counts of ethics, morals, and religion. Extra-marital relationships are not a solution for a marital complication.
The entire purpose of the marriage and the sanctity of the bond lies on protecting the chastity of the individuals in the marriage contract. It becomes a ground of trust, respect, love, and loyalty. Illicit relationships desecrate that sacred bond, they violate the sanctity of the bond of trust and loyalty.
It is not wrong to seek one’s happiness. It is wrong to seek it through wrong means. A troubled and unhappy couple can seek a new beginning, but after honestly ending their current marital status and saving themselves, their partners and, most importantly, their innocent children from the pains of facing a life of shame, pain, and agony. The best way to respect yourself and your loved ones is to end and walk away from that which no longer serves its purpose for all of you, that doesn’t make you all grow into better and happier people.
Be a source of happiness, peace, and comfort to the people you are living with in the purity of blessed bonds, if that is not possible for you, then don’t tarnish the sanctity of the bond and of yourself and what you represent by indulging in wrongful deeds, but respectfully exit the bond of marriage. After all, as Allah SWT informs us in the Qur’an:
“And among His (Allah’s) Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” [Surah Ar-Rum: 21]
