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My Husband and I decided not to have Kids Right after Marriage But Then…

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I live in Pakistan and it’s been three years to my marriage. We didn’t get pregnant because my husband and I have planned our family. However, the society is eating my brain off to get pregnant. My biggest crime (not to me, and not even to my family) is that I chose not to conform to our very own set of norms of a married, becharee larki. Because I chose to continue my studies, I chose to make my home a better place by not making my mother and father in law as much independent as I can.

I chose not to stay home and listen to the rants of the society of not getting pregnant early in marriage that can lead to broken or childless marriage forever. Or how Islam has encouraged more children to the woman or how the only purpose of the woman is to recreate through embryo and other forms of recreation are of no use to the woman.

Source: Odyssey

I wonder, even in the 21st century, are we truly living it or do we still choose to believe what our forefathers think about women? But how do we know what our forefathers think about women? If we get started, from the time before Islam, Bibi Khadija (R.A) was a single businesswoman, who was proudly running the business with her most trusted male assistant, Maisara (her servant). Then, if we move forward, we had Bibi Ayesha (R.A) who was a doctor. Many Ummaha’ tul Moomineen never got pregnant, never had their own children. They married Hazrat Muhammad (SAW) who could pray to Allah for it, but he didn’t.

Then, some of our Muslim women are well-known for being an architect. We had an example of Rabia Basri, she did what she considered was right for her. Then in modern times, there comes the Razia Sultana, a queen, and warrior but she chose not to get married. Although this list is long, my point for these names is that marrying and having kids instantly (like Maggie noodles) is not a criterion for a happy woman or a successful marriage. In my short life, I have seen a woman getting a divorce after having six kids. After five boys, after putting a successful marriage show (like many Hollywood celebrities have).

So, here is my point, and it’s not like a confession as many people might look upon it, but being an educated and empowered woman of the society. My husband and I decided not to start a family the first night we met. Instead, we decided that we would know each other better than before. We would fulfill few of our dreams and expectations we have from ourselves and then, with the will of ALLAH, in a few years, we will start our own family. But seems like our society has a problem with it. Women around me see me as a barren and even if I am, by any chance, it’s not their headache. Don’t you ladies have your set of own problems? Oh, and if somebody is considerate enough, they surely give me totkas and QURANIC verses to read to get pregnant.

Source: POPxo

I wonder if any of them ever considered that not getting pregnant might be because of my husband and that he might have early onset of any disease or any other problems? In our culture, male infertility is not even questioned, it might be the reason why a girl is struggling to conceive in the first place. But no, who in their right mind would ever question a man in this bourgeoise society? So, we all assume that not getting pregnant is an issue with women ONLY.

Our society has many unfair norms, but this one is the creepiest of all. What’s wrong with them? It’s the personal matter between every couple. We don’t even know what are they going through? What do they actually want? Why do these people use religion as their masks for intervening anybody’s personal life? Our religion fairly detests questioning about anybody’s personal life. So, let live and let the others live too. If we, for once close our mouths, it would make many people life easier and we will set a good example for our future generations.

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