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Why is it that we only take our time out on social media to talk about the negativity and the cruel side of the world, for example the recent outrageous confessions and stories about harassment by males specifically classmates/co-workers/teachers (in Karachi,Pakistan) that spread like wildfire all over the social media that caused serious mayhem and chaos, making every one rethink and question the trust that they put up in them.
Not saying that the movement was wrong cause it wasn’t, the idea behind it was genuine but maybe during all this, we forgot that it’s not only bringing down the bad people but the good ones were also equally getting affected.
Why is it that my timeline was only flooded with posts around the negative people, even before this there were barely any posts on appreciating and making the positive ones known. In the midst of this movement, we might have forgotten that this might also make every girl out there lose hope and trust on any man she’d encounter or have in her life either be it as a friend, life partner, relative or teacher. See awareness is good but reassurance is equally important. I’ll explain why.
Though it doesn’t take a psychology degree to understand why I and any other girl/women out there have a difficult time trusting men. Daily or regularly we go through posts or hear girls complaining about something that had to be regarding men. Of course, there are plenty of men who do despicable things to women, and they deserve to be held accountable especially in a society entrenched with patriarchy. But what I feel is that upon hearing such incidents or only the bad stuff about men, it sharpens the dividing line between us and them and because of this: “We’ve lost sight of those men who don’t belong on the battlefield at all”
But not all men are the same and the good ones deserve more credit than they get. Girls need to know there are still good men out there. I’m constantly baffled by girl’s perception of the “men” of our generation. I’m a strong believer that ‘not all men are the same’ and that doesn’t mean I’ve never encountered such men but indeed I actually have. While it is important to raise concern over an issue as important as this, I believe this is equally essential to use this and another platform to appreciate those who don’t necessarily fall into this category.
So I’d like to take my time out and dedicate this post to all the good men in this world and those that I ever came across in my life to thank and appreciate them for being themselves and to let them know that their goodness didn’t go unnoticed.
Dear Good Men,
I know you are rare and precious, so I appreciate you more than words can say. You are truly the definition of what a man should be. You are strong, courageous, kind-hearted and humble and the most important thing is that you know how to respect women. To my father, thank you for being the best version of yourself always as a man. Thank you for protecting me by doing everything from making sure I was strapped into my seatbelt to telling me to stay twenty-five feet away from all boys in school and for always caring about my protection (and the protection of my heart).
To the security guard uncle during my school days, thank you for always making me feel comfortable and most importantly safe when the whole school was empty and my dad was yet again late. To the male teachers I had during my college days, I grew up believing that teachers are our third parent and being your student made my belief grow stronger and firmer day by day, thank you for always respecting me and making me feel safe in your presence. You being yourself had a really huge impact on me and I’ll forever be grateful for your transparency.
To my uncle, you cared for me not as your niece, but as your own daughter. Thank you for compensating dad’s absence when he was busy with work by taking us out on weekends and making sure we were always okay even when you were out of the city. Thank you for always protecting me.
And just like this, a heartfelt thank you to all the men who have stood by us, from the husband who drops his wife to the office to the man who puts the kids to bed so that their mother can rest after having a long day at work, to the friend who stands up for you when the college bully thinks it’s ok to harass women, to the father who takes their kids to school and many more. These are men that I should appreciate every day, but who I often forget the second I read another headline about a woman victimized by a man.
So with this, I’d like to say that while being good men is their responsibility, a few words of encouragement or letting them know is very important. The fact is that we all need encouragement, no matter what we are doing in life, either be it big or small. We all lose the forest for the trees every now and again, and sometimes it takes that friend or that stranger giving you a word of affirmation to motivate you.
Give someone a reason to continue being good, let them know that it’s not going unnoticed and we really appreciate them for being the better version of themselves. The world needs to know the unnoticed side of them as well. Let’s not just take out our time for sharing negativity but try to make the positive side seen as well. Give them a reason to do good, and be the source of motivation and encouragement for them to continue doing so.
Although a letter or an article or a novel can never be enough for the greatness the good men possess but at least I could let the world know about them through what I have, this is a shout-out to the all the supportive men; May you be them.